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i've had it for awhile but didn't tell anyone. this account has more art than photography. hope you like

Did any one else travel to Wyoming for the rainbow gathering of living light? It was unforgetable.

i just found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me with a 14 year old, and he is 19. i feel like i am dying. like i am about to collapse. i just feel so hurt because i loved him so much and truely cared for him. we have been dating for over a year. i can't believe he did this to me. possibly there were others, most likely. and it makes me want to burry my head and i just can't stop thinking about it. i was so faithful to him and never would have even thought about cheating on him. i am now waiting for marraige to ever have sex because then i will know that the man is commited to me and only me. i told james that it would just be us two and no one else, and he said yeah of course...what a liar. i still have no desire to be with anyone else in that way anymore because james was the only person i could ever be with in that way. he was everything to me. and i did everything for him. i just got him iron maiden tickets the day before i found out he had been sleeping with another girl. and he wanted to grow coffee really bad so i ordered him special coffee seeds, and all of this cool stuff for his birthday and i really put alot of thought into his present... i wonder if he even felt guilty at all, i really hope so. he deserves to feel like shit. but he probably didn't feel that bad, because he obviously doesn't care about other people's feelings. he is so oblivious to life. he had something so great and he messed it up. and that is his fault. i hope he regrets what he has done to me. but i am better off now. i am going to evergreen state college in olympia this september and i am ready to meet new people, experience a new atmosphere, and grow as a person. james had no amitions or responsibilities. he is a loser and i deserve way better. i cannot believe i am actually about to meet people with goals and desires for thier lives and futures, and people that share the same interests with me. i am done with that pot head and i am going to move on. he never had money because he doesn't have a job and whenever he does get money, he blows it on alcohol or weed. i didn't matter enough for him to care about me. i am sort of relieved to get away from that liar, but i am so overtakenly forlorn about the way this had to end. it took something this major for me to finally break up with him. but that's what it took i guess.... he always lied about EVERYTHING. he told me he was a vegetarian but his friends just told me that he never has been and he ate meat behind my back all the time. and he told me that he quit smoking and smoked behind my back. he lied about so many ridiculous things. and lying is the worse thing you can do in a relationship, seriously. without trust, a relationship cannot work. you need to tell the truth. my mom always taught me that lying is the worse thing. i guess james was brought up real shitty. but still that's no excuse, he should not betray people. his friend anthony told me that james is nothing but a liar and a theif. he traded anthony's guitar amp that he left over at his house for a pack of cigarettes. what a dick. i just wish i didn't get so hurt. why did he have to do this to me? my friends all say it will make me stronger, but how long will it take to get better? i can't stop thinking about it...ever. i can't concentrate in school or to people that talk to me. what am i going to do? i am just going to try to be as strong as i can i guess. my heart cannot take this pain. she was so young to. that is sagitory rape and he could go to prison for that. i got her number from a friend and called to her because i had been hearing things. so i asked and she told me and i just about died. she said she had met me before too. but i do not remember meeting any girl named kathryn... i was nice to her though. my mom has always taught me to not be mad at the girl, but the guy you are with. kathryn was nice to me, and felt bad. i just don't think she cares too much because she totally knew that me and james were in a serious relationship, but she did it anyway. i feel so betrayed because james' friends knew and never said anything. and they acted like they were my friends too. what is wong with people these days? am i the only considerate descent person around that actually takes into consideration, the feelings of others? everyone that knows me always tells me that i have the biggest, loving heart. and i really do. my step mom and techers have said that i "have a heart of gold" and that i am so talented and sweet. and i have so much going for me and so much ahead of me. no one can wait to see the great things i will do in life. james never has or wanted to do anything to better the world. i don't want to be with someone like that. i am just telling myself over and over to not think about how much i loved him. i did so much. i am the first person that ever showed him real love. why whould he give that up as if it were nothing? this precious gift i give to him. and i gave him all of me. it was the first time i ever did that for a guy. but james did not give me all of him. he went behind my back doing horrible things. i don't even want to imagine the possibilities. i want to move as soon as possible, but i have to wait until the summer's over. until then...any advice whould be so great. i feel really alone. even though i have lots of people who care about me. i appreciate everyone's words.

i saw devendra banhart sunday night, and i am soooo sad i didn't have my camera. he was great, and his outfit and little dance moves....ahhhhh!!!! i am in love with him!!!!
i snuck backstage to meet him but got kicked out
...but at least a security guard gave him the homemade wood neclace from me :]
i am so forlorn that i did not get to speak with him. i think it's an unhealthy obsession.

wake up little sparrow.

i wish we had some bread today.

i should take more pictures.

we need to discover the wonders of nature,
rolling iin the rushes down by the river side.